2014.
Though, the next story may seem rather dramatic, it is what we went through in the first several months of my son's life. It was a scary time for us then. Although we still face challenges with his speech and his BAHA wearing time and what is going to happen when he goes to preschool in a few months, none of these things phase us anymore. It's not sad, it's definitely not bad. Any of those challenges are happy challenges we face just doing the best we can as parents for our child. Just like any other parent would do for their son or daughter. Rest assured families to a new little one with Microtia, everything is just wonderful. Look past anything you can turn into a negative and truly make it a positive. These scary days make your bond with your baby something that is truly and crazily strong. xoxo
.........................................................................................
“My Little Man Changed My Life. 2012”
In the seconds after my son was born, I went through a spectrum of emotions. At first, I felt immense happiness, joy and love. The pain disappeared and in its place I felt pure wonder; then, someone pointed out that something was wrong. I can remember covering him up and saying, “Nothing is wrong!” Confusion and denial ran through my veins. This little baby was perfect. After about ten seconds of him being in this world, my husband pointed out again, more gently this time, something was 'different'. Fear came over me, it filled every inch of my body, with a heart-heavy kind of weight. The day I found out Connor had Microtia was one of the hardest, most insightful experiences of my life because it reminded me, an expected path can change in an instant.
I looked where my husband, mom and mother-in-law had pointed and his left ear was flipped over itself, so I flipped it back up. I said, “see, nothing is wrong.” I hugged him tight with a feeling of relief. But I knew something wasn't right, the previous seconds were filled with cheering, now everyone's faces were somber. As the nurses were reaching their arms out, my husband gently turned his head. His right ear wasn't developed completely, it didn't have an opening.
After he was born, we stayed in the hospital for forty-eight hours. At every hour, a nurse would enter our hospital room and every hour, my husband or I would ask when the pediatrician would be in. We kept being promised that she would be in soon, with answers. After about forty hours, a bunch of white coats and name tags strolled in. Some of the nurses tested his good ear and said he had hearing in that one, they didn't bother to test his other one. The pediatrician said, it looked like he was normally developed everywhere else, but didn't say anything more. We had to go see a specialist at Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center in Lebanon, for more answers.
For four long days, we had no idea what was wrong with my son. We were eager to take a ride up to Lebanon. Those unknowing days were filled with tension. At Dartmouth, we saw a Cranialfacial Surgical specialist who knew right away, my son had Microtia. He weighed and measured and poked and prodded, all the while explaining his birth defect. He went on to say, “I always need to tell the mothers, it was nothing you did wrong, so please don't feel guilty.” I broke down in tears. He said that there is no known cause for Microtia and it is worked up to be a random phenomenon. He described to us the problems some children have associated with Microtia. Things like hearing loss, heart and liver deformities as well as other facial deformities were on his list. In some ways, it sounded like a relief, except for the obscure future ahead. But at that point, I accepted that this was happening and it was going to be a journey we were to make a positive experience of.
During those few months after Connor was born, we learned much about Microtia; although, it didn't seem like much was out there. We had numerous appointments for Connor. At one point we went to the audiology department at Dartmouth. I can remember this day vividly, there were about ten patients sitting in the waiting room. This was my first feeling of acceptance towards my son from strangers. There were mostly elderly folks with hearing aids, and several small children who had obvious hearing problems. They all smiled at him understandingly, rather than looking at him with a crooked smile, as most strangers do whether from misunderstanding or from being uncomfortable for any number of reasons.
A lady with a cute pregnant belly came to get us and introduced herself as our Audiologist. By this time, I was over jealous thoughts of other people with healthy little cherubs and was able to have a nice conversation with her, about her due baby. I can remember I felt sympathy for her, having to see a bunch of kids with hearing problems and thinking, it must make her worry about the health of her own child. The room she brought us to was warm and dimmed, it wasn't like the normal hospital room that we are now so familiar with. I sat down in the convenient rocking chair and quieted my hungry baby. The audiologist gently attached wires to my son's forehead and behind both ears. She was so nice and comforting to my husband and I. The test measured brain wave responses to sounds, in each ear on a computer screen. From It took half an hour for her to reaffirm, he could indeed hear in his left ear. But, she only spent two minutes on his Microtia ear. I prepared for the fact he could not hear.
She started to say, “Well, I have some good news. He can hear very well out of his left ear.” I could feel myself well up with tears, getting ready for the unfortunate news that he can't hear out of his right ear. She paused and continued to say, “He can also hear out of his right ear. It's very indistinct so he will need a hearing aid called a BAHA, until he can have reconstructive surgery.” I uncontrollably sobbed and just kept saying, "I am so happy, I am so happy." The audiologist asked if I was alright and I was able to murmur a croaked “yes." Finding out my son can hear, although muffled, was unexpected, amazing news.
As the days fly by after having my son, it has become a hugely positive occurrence. We still have so much to learn and many obstacles to overcome. But now, I am comfortable knowing we are in good hands in NH. There are so many wonderful people helping us make sure Connor is getting the best medical help. Now, I look forward to helping others who might be in the position of needing help or guidance.
I look at him and see a beautiful baby face and feel so much love, joy and gratitude for what he has given me. My motto for life used to be “everything happens for a reason.” But I can't bring myself to believe that anymore. There is no reason for why any baby has to go through challenges like this and the ones that will face them later on. One thing I can say from this experience is that, if my son was born without Microtia, I couldn't have this immense gratitude for the value of life and love in little blessings he has given me.
Though, the next story may seem rather dramatic, it is what we went through in the first several months of my son's life. It was a scary time for us then. Although we still face challenges with his speech and his BAHA wearing time and what is going to happen when he goes to preschool in a few months, none of these things phase us anymore. It's not sad, it's definitely not bad. Any of those challenges are happy challenges we face just doing the best we can as parents for our child. Just like any other parent would do for their son or daughter. Rest assured families to a new little one with Microtia, everything is just wonderful. Look past anything you can turn into a negative and truly make it a positive. These scary days make your bond with your baby something that is truly and crazily strong. xoxo
.........................................................................................
“My Little Man Changed My Life. 2012”
In the seconds after my son was born, I went through a spectrum of emotions. At first, I felt immense happiness, joy and love. The pain disappeared and in its place I felt pure wonder; then, someone pointed out that something was wrong. I can remember covering him up and saying, “Nothing is wrong!” Confusion and denial ran through my veins. This little baby was perfect. After about ten seconds of him being in this world, my husband pointed out again, more gently this time, something was 'different'. Fear came over me, it filled every inch of my body, with a heart-heavy kind of weight. The day I found out Connor had Microtia was one of the hardest, most insightful experiences of my life because it reminded me, an expected path can change in an instant.
I looked where my husband, mom and mother-in-law had pointed and his left ear was flipped over itself, so I flipped it back up. I said, “see, nothing is wrong.” I hugged him tight with a feeling of relief. But I knew something wasn't right, the previous seconds were filled with cheering, now everyone's faces were somber. As the nurses were reaching their arms out, my husband gently turned his head. His right ear wasn't developed completely, it didn't have an opening.
After he was born, we stayed in the hospital for forty-eight hours. At every hour, a nurse would enter our hospital room and every hour, my husband or I would ask when the pediatrician would be in. We kept being promised that she would be in soon, with answers. After about forty hours, a bunch of white coats and name tags strolled in. Some of the nurses tested his good ear and said he had hearing in that one, they didn't bother to test his other one. The pediatrician said, it looked like he was normally developed everywhere else, but didn't say anything more. We had to go see a specialist at Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center in Lebanon, for more answers.
For four long days, we had no idea what was wrong with my son. We were eager to take a ride up to Lebanon. Those unknowing days were filled with tension. At Dartmouth, we saw a Cranialfacial Surgical specialist who knew right away, my son had Microtia. He weighed and measured and poked and prodded, all the while explaining his birth defect. He went on to say, “I always need to tell the mothers, it was nothing you did wrong, so please don't feel guilty.” I broke down in tears. He said that there is no known cause for Microtia and it is worked up to be a random phenomenon. He described to us the problems some children have associated with Microtia. Things like hearing loss, heart and liver deformities as well as other facial deformities were on his list. In some ways, it sounded like a relief, except for the obscure future ahead. But at that point, I accepted that this was happening and it was going to be a journey we were to make a positive experience of.
During those few months after Connor was born, we learned much about Microtia; although, it didn't seem like much was out there. We had numerous appointments for Connor. At one point we went to the audiology department at Dartmouth. I can remember this day vividly, there were about ten patients sitting in the waiting room. This was my first feeling of acceptance towards my son from strangers. There were mostly elderly folks with hearing aids, and several small children who had obvious hearing problems. They all smiled at him understandingly, rather than looking at him with a crooked smile, as most strangers do whether from misunderstanding or from being uncomfortable for any number of reasons.
A lady with a cute pregnant belly came to get us and introduced herself as our Audiologist. By this time, I was over jealous thoughts of other people with healthy little cherubs and was able to have a nice conversation with her, about her due baby. I can remember I felt sympathy for her, having to see a bunch of kids with hearing problems and thinking, it must make her worry about the health of her own child. The room she brought us to was warm and dimmed, it wasn't like the normal hospital room that we are now so familiar with. I sat down in the convenient rocking chair and quieted my hungry baby. The audiologist gently attached wires to my son's forehead and behind both ears. She was so nice and comforting to my husband and I. The test measured brain wave responses to sounds, in each ear on a computer screen. From It took half an hour for her to reaffirm, he could indeed hear in his left ear. But, she only spent two minutes on his Microtia ear. I prepared for the fact he could not hear.
She started to say, “Well, I have some good news. He can hear very well out of his left ear.” I could feel myself well up with tears, getting ready for the unfortunate news that he can't hear out of his right ear. She paused and continued to say, “He can also hear out of his right ear. It's very indistinct so he will need a hearing aid called a BAHA, until he can have reconstructive surgery.” I uncontrollably sobbed and just kept saying, "I am so happy, I am so happy." The audiologist asked if I was alright and I was able to murmur a croaked “yes." Finding out my son can hear, although muffled, was unexpected, amazing news.
As the days fly by after having my son, it has become a hugely positive occurrence. We still have so much to learn and many obstacles to overcome. But now, I am comfortable knowing we are in good hands in NH. There are so many wonderful people helping us make sure Connor is getting the best medical help. Now, I look forward to helping others who might be in the position of needing help or guidance.
I look at him and see a beautiful baby face and feel so much love, joy and gratitude for what he has given me. My motto for life used to be “everything happens for a reason.” But I can't bring myself to believe that anymore. There is no reason for why any baby has to go through challenges like this and the ones that will face them later on. One thing I can say from this experience is that, if my son was born without Microtia, I couldn't have this immense gratitude for the value of life and love in little blessings he has given me.